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How Not to Use a Social Networking Site

by Donna Maria

As you may know, I manage the Indie Beauty professional social networking site. The main purpose of the site, which is hosted on the Ning network, is to facilitate professional connections for Premium members of the Indie Beauty Network. If you are interested in connecting with people who make health, beauty and lifestyle products using a large proportion of natural ingredients, and who care passionately about the products they offer, you should connect with us!

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For the first few months, the site was open to members only. Today, it’s open to the public and there are nearly 3,000 people learning, sharing and having fun. We experience a little of the typical spam and obnoxious behavior, but I quickly remove it and ban people when necessary. It’s easy to ban the worse actors, but the challenges occur when someone is neither spamming nor distasteful, but is clearly trying to take unfair advantage. When I call it to people’s attention, they typically change their approach and have a great time. Because social networking is new, it’s not unusual for people to engage in unacceptable behavior and not even know it. This article shares a few examples of how not to use a social networking site.

  1. Posting Self-Serving Discussions and Commenting On Them to Force Attention. “Trina” joined the site and immediately posted a display ad for her products in one of the discussion forums. She immediately commented on what a great ad it was, I suppose to make it look popular so others would be more interested in her.

    Of course there’s nothing wrong with advertisements, but I clearly mark them at my site so people can quickly recognize sponsored content. I consider this crucial for transparency and professionalism in our community.

    I deleted “Trina’s” post and she left the site.

  2. Posting the Same Cut and Paste Message to Dozens of People Simultaneously. Once, “Sally” joined the site and went straight to the photo area, which displays pictures of products made by Premium Indie Beauty members. She clicked on about 10 of them, and posted the same exact comment on each one.

    Her post complemented the members on their products and asked where they had their labels printed. Her cut and paste message concluded with a demand of sorts: “Get back to me as soon as possible.”

    I banned her from the site. Later, when I explained my decision to her, she acknowledged the issue and I removed the ban.

  3. Posting a “Sort Of” Comment Followed By a Trail of Never-Ending Links. “Marsha” joined the site and her first comment was about 10 words long. It was followed by dozens of links. She included her blog, her e-commerce site, her YouTube page, her Twitter page, a long list of awards she had won and more. The links took up 20 times the space of the comment, literally! All this does is take up space.

    The person who maintains a social networking site is not doing it solely to boost your search engine rankings. When your promotional and signature links are appropriate for the contribution being made, it shows respect for everyone at the site.

  4. Posting With the Clear Intention to Drive Traffic Away. Adding a blog post that tells everyone that you posted a great blog post somewhere else operates as a blatant attempt to take away from rather than add to a community. Doing this is like going to someone’s birthday party and asking people to leave and come to yours. It’s like visiting someone’s blog and leaving a comment that tells everyone about a great article you wrote at your blog, and what link to click to go read it.

    Such posts take the host’s efforts for granted and clearly indicate a desire to take rather than to give.

  5. Demanding Free Consulting Services. This happens a lot. People come to the site, spot someone with specific expertise, and then post messages seeking to pick their brain for free. A little bit of this is one thing. After all, if it never happens, people would not be able to share their specialized experiences and expertise. But posting messages that indicate an expectation that you will receive one-on-one assistance is a bit presumptuous.

    You can learn a lot by asking questions in discussion forums and blogs, and by digesting information posted throughout a social networking site, and then applying what you learn to your business. But demanding free advice that is specific to your business makes a poor impression and does not contribute to community.

Collaboration and Exchange

The essential thing to remember is that connecting with other people at a professional networking site is about collaboration and exchange.

When you join a social network and begin reaching out to see what others can do for you, you should bring something to the party too.

The Never Ending Pot-Luck

Think of a social network as a never-ending pot luck dinner. You wouldn’t show up at a pot luck dinner empty handed, right? The same manners apply at online social networks.

As the host of the pot luck dinner, I want everyone to have a positive experience. It’s not OK to come and hog the potato salad, toss a business card in everyone’s face or demand extra dessert without giving anything in return.

The dinner is a continuous shared event, and the only reason it’s fun is because everyone brings something to the party.

Question: What do you think of these suggestions? Do you have more to add?

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posted on June 19, 2009 ·

Facebook comments:

  • http://www.pipertate.com/ Valerie Rice

    Thanks for this article (a great Etiquette 101 for social media) ! I’m fairly new to social networking and find it interesting to learn about people in our industry through their blogs or twitter. These sites enable us to view people in a broader sense and observe what drives and inspires them. Yesterday I checked out a hi-end baby company’s Twitter feed. The two women who own it are creative, dynamic and forward thinking, but I was sorely disappointed to see that every post plugged either a sale or new products. I decided not to follow them. Thanks for the reminder that the beauty of these sites is to connect with our peers, not to overly self promote.

  • http://www.pipertate.com Valerie Rice

    Thanks for this article (a great Etiquette 101 for social media) ! I’m fairly new to social networking and find it interesting to learn about people in our industry through their blogs or twitter. These sites enable us to view people in a broader sense and observe what drives and inspires them. Yesterday I checked out a hi-end baby company’s Twitter feed. The two women who own it are creative, dynamic and forward thinking, but I was sorely disappointed to see that every post plugged either a sale or new products. I decided not to follow them. Thanks for the reminder that the beauty of these sites is to connect with our peers, not to overly self promote.

  • http://www.indiebusinessblog.com/ Donna Maria

    @Valerie: I’m so glad you found the information here helpful. I am like you — if all I see is self promotion, I choose not to pay attention. I like to connect with people who bring much to the table without having to obnoxiously shout it from the roof tops. For business owners, the beauty and effectiveness of social networking likes in its subtlety.

  • http://www.indiebusinessblog.com Donna Maria

    @Valerie: I’m so glad you found the information here helpful. I am like you — if all I see is self promotion, I choose not to pay attention. I like to connect with people who bring much to the table without having to obnoxiously shout it from the roof tops. For business owners, the beauty and effectiveness of social networking likes in its subtlety.

  • http://www.southernsoapers.com/ Kelly Bloom

    Donna Maria
    I loved reading this. You articulated so well the key, most common issues of running a large forum or community of any type. So many personalities, as well as levels of exposure to social media and how to effectively market… and when not to.

    I find that most members mean well. As you said, when an issue is pointed out to them, they recognize the problem from the forum owners perspective and make adjustments.

  • http://www.southernsoapers.com Kelly Bloom

    Donna Maria
    I loved reading this. You articulated so well the key, most common issues of running a large forum or community of any type. So many personalities, as well as levels of exposure to social media and how to effectively market… and when not to.

    I find that most members mean well. As you said, when an issue is pointed out to them, they recognize the problem from the forum owners perspective and make adjustments.

  • http://www.bizness-geek.com/ Jermaine Holmes

    Wow, can’t believe some of the social networking tricks people play. My belief about using a social networking site is really simple: be involved in the discussion. I’ve used this plenty of times and have drawn traffic to an older blog I had. That’s the best way to use social networking: be relevant to the discussion. This wont fail!

  • http://www.bizness-geek.com Jermaine Holmes

    Wow, can’t believe some of the social networking tricks people play. My belief about using a social networking site is really simple: be involved in the discussion. I’ve used this plenty of times and have drawn traffic to an older blog I had. That’s the best way to use social networking: be relevant to the discussion. This wont fail!

  • http://www.indiebusinessblog.com/ Donna Maria

    @Kelly: I’m glad you enjoyed the article. That means a lot coming from you because I respect the work you do at the soapmaking community you maintain. I do think most people mean well, but just aren’t sure how to transfer common courtesy from the physical to the virtual. It’s a process for all of us, this new social media stuff. I love meeting and interacting with people so I am finding it a whole lot of fun!

  • http://www.indiebusinessblog.com Donna Maria

    @Kelly: I’m glad you enjoyed the article. That means a lot coming from you because I respect the work you do at the soapmaking community you maintain. I do think most people mean well, but just aren’t sure how to transfer common courtesy from the physical to the virtual. It’s a process for all of us, this new social media stuff. I love meeting and interacting with people so I am finding it a whole lot of fun!

  • http://www.indiebusinessblog.com/ Donna Maria

    @Jermaine: Thanks for stopping by and sharing such a succinct truism — just be involved in the discussion and be relevant. I think we have a tendency to over-think that, so your reminder is a good one!

  • http://www.indiebusinessblog.com Donna Maria

    @Jermaine: Thanks for stopping by and sharing such a succinct truism — just be involved in the discussion and be relevant. I think we have a tendency to over-think that, so your reminder is a good one!

  • http://www.valanaminerals.com/ Valerie Reed

    Thanks for this post Donna! I think this ties to another post you wrote about leadership. It seems that when we create online communities we need the same leadership skills we use for our indie-businesses.

  • http://www.valanaminerals.com Valerie Reed

    Thanks for this post Donna! I think this ties to another post you wrote about leadership. It seems that when we create online communities we need the same leadership skills we use for our indie-businesses.

  • http://www.sterlingminerals.com/ Katherine

    Hi dM, I not only found this article to ring true in so many ways as the “what not to do’s” but when I read the last section on the “neverending potluck” I laughed so hard, I think I coughed up a lung. What a great analogy! Perfect, says it all. In fact I am still laughing! Keep up the Qwips!

    • http://www.indiebusinessblog.com/ Indie Business

      I am laughing with you, now that you mention it. Have you ever been to a pot luck and realized you didn't bring enough food, or worse, you forgot to bring anything at all? I have (not intentionally) and it's not a good feeling. I guess that's how I knew it would be such a good example to make this point.

  • http://www.sterlingminerals.com Katherine@SterlingMinerals

    Hi dM, I not only found this article to ring true in so many ways as the “what not to do’s” but when I read the last section on the “neverending potluck” I laughed so hard, I think I coughed up a lung. What a great analogy! Perfect, says it all. In fact I am still laughing! Keep up the Qwips!

    • http://www.indiebusinessblog.com Indie Business

      I am laughing with you, now that you mention it. Have you ever been to a pot luck and realized you didn't bring enough food, or worse, you forgot to bring anything at all? I have (not intentionally) and it's not a good feeling. I guess that's how I knew it would be such a good example to make this point.

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